January 02, 2003
All About Lili

About Ms Von Schtupp*
(FKA: Ilsa, She Wolf of the Radio Waves)

So you want to know more about me. Well, that tells me one of two things

A. You have no life.
B. You are a stalker.

If it is A, read on.
If its B, please click here.

You may know me from my job as producer of the David Lawrence Show. You may know me for the celebrity sightings and my autograph collection here. Either way, here is the woman behind the woman you think you know.

I was born in Iowa on January 12, 1966, the youngest of 6 kids (mom and dad were Catholic - but that's another story.) At age 5, I convinced my dad that there are no laws preventing someone from leaving Iowa, so off to Florida the family went. He tells the story a little differently ...right, like it was his idea!

I spent my youth in Florida like most children do, experimenting with drugs, sex and alcohol. I soon realized I was going nowhere, fast. I cleaned up my act and began my quest for higher education. I entered first grade. I was bored. From first to seventh grade, I was a straight A student. I had comments on my report cards like..."Lili was a joy to have in class", "It was such a joy to have Lili as a student." Did they all have the same "How to be a good teacher guide"? ARG! Or could it be the worse scenario, I was "a joy"? I shudder at the thought.

I did find junior high to be an interesting time. I look back on it as a bad experiment in social behavior study. Having been blessed by the boobie fairy at a very young age (38D at 13), I learned a lot about people. Girls can be very cruel and boys can be...well, boys will be boys. Need we go down that path? ( but if John U. is out there...I still don't clearly understand the fabulous kiss you planted on me in the science hall in 7th grade and then never really spoke to me again- men are bastards!

Then there was high school. Ahhh ...the joy. High school is where I really did discover alcohol, cigarettes, pot and sex. I don't regret any of it, but I certainly don't endorse it. Pot is illegal, and cigarettes and alcohol are really bad for your health! ( I don't smoke anything anymore -at least 10 years now- and only occasionally do I have a good glass of Merlot. I do indulge in Champagne and Chambord on the odd special occasion as well) Then there was the sex. It's amazing how a girl can get a reputation without having dated anyone in high school. I dated two guys my senior year and both were uneventful, yet I had a rep. (see learning experience from Junior high) I graduated in '84 (Sister Christian, oh the time has come...), I still have 2 friends from my high school days. Maria and Lynn.

Lynn and I went back to our 10 year high school reunion dressed as nuns. We spent the evening smoking cigars and drinking red wine. We will burn in hell, I got my confirmation email from, have you received yours? You can make all your eternal resting plans there.

I moved from Florida to Portland, Oregon in January 1990, it was at the start of the Gulf war. I remember that I was worried about flying because of the media terrorizing the public with fear of terrorists. (I think the media in general can be more frightening than half of what they report on-should I speak this way of my career path?) I traveled to Portland to live with a guy I had been dating for 2 years. If anyone ever has the opportunity to move cross country to live with some one, kill yourself - the pain is much shorter that way. I managed to extend that horrible living hell for another 6 years. Goodie goodie. I recently heard he is poverty stricken and unemployed. Couldn't have happened to a nicer a guy, but I'm not bitter.

I told my family I was moving to get away from them, so if you see them...keep up the lie. Thanks.

Then after a year of therapy and much needed "me time", I met a wonderful man, we spent a year together and then got married. It should have been perfect but it wasn't. He was a really great guy and we had fun together but that wasn't enough to base a lifelong commitment on. I left after 4 months, I don't think he can say my name to this date with out a twitch. Women can be such bastards! Don't cry too hard for him. He did his share of hurting me after the divorce. We don't talk now.

To quote WC Fields,"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."

I needed a fresh start. I moved to Washington DC and got my dream job. I did affiliate relations for Online Tonight with David Lawrence. I slowly worked my way into the producers chair by impressing David with my assets. (not those assets - see junior high) My ability to make a cat5 cable Ethernet cord, type (those of you in the chat room-shut up!) and work a phone system.

I'm currently single, okay married to my job. I spend my evenings online with our listeners and I have no pets or children - that I know of.**

Thanks for being my family.

*Okay, the name. Lili Von Schtupp comes from the mind of a brilliant man, Mel Brooks. Blazing Saddles is one of my favorite movies...I'd tell you more but, "I'm tired." Thank you Madeline Kahn, you are missed.

**Carol Liefer gets the credit for the "no kids, that I know of" where credit is due.

One last note, if you did a search on Lili Von Schtupp and found some nasty stories. I DID NOT WRITE THEM! I write much better than that.

Posted by lili at 09:27 PM
January 01, 2003
Her Boobage will be here shortly...

...Boobs signed, the smell of Sharpie ink wafting in the air, and a red-faced man privately pleased with his handywork.

Stand by...for

Posted by david at 11:39 PM